The Comedy Basement 
The Usual

(At the breakfast diner)

TEDDY: Hi everyone. Hi Nancy… the usual please.

WAITRESS: The usual? Who the hell are you. I've never even seen you before.

TEDDY: What are you talking about? I come here every morning. I'm one of your best customers.

WAITRESS: You'll become the mystery meat in my best double decker with cheese if you don't leave now.

(At the barbershop)

TEDDY: Hey there Tony. Frank… the usual please.

BARBER: The usual? Who the fuck are you? You come in here like you're some valued customer. I oughta slice your ear off.

TEDDY: But I get my hair cut here every three weeks. Don't you remember?

BARBER: The only thing I will remember is shoving this bottle of blue shit down your throat if you don't leave now.

(At the pub)

TEDDY: Good evening all. Hank… the usual please.

BARTENDER: The usual? Who the hell is this prick? Walkin' in like he owns the place.

TEDDY: But Hank, I come here every single night. Last week I drank an entire bottle of wine.

BARTENDER: I'll ram this entire bottle of wine up your ass if you don't leave now.

(In the back alley)

TEDDY: Hello Butch. Tyson, Jimbo…the usual please.

BULLIES: With pleasure…

(The bullies punch and kick Teddy repeatedly, then give him an atomic wedgie.)

TEDDY: It's nice to finally be appreciated. 


                                                                                  Copyright © The Comedy Basement 2009