The Comedy Basement
(At the breakfast diner)
TEDDY: Hi everyone. Hi Nancy… the usual please.
WAITRESS: The usual? Who the hell are you. I've never even seen you before.
TEDDY: What are you talking about? I come here every morning. I'm one of your best customers.
WAITRESS: You'll become the mystery meat in my best double decker with cheese if you don't leave now.
(At the barbershop)
TEDDY: Hey there Tony. Frank… the usual please.
BARBER: The usual? Who the fuck are you? You come in here like you're some valued customer. I oughta slice your ear off.
TEDDY: But I get my hair cut here every three weeks. Don't you remember?
BARBER: The only thing I will remember is shoving this bottle of blue shit down your throat if you don't leave now.
(At the pub)
TEDDY: Good evening all. Hank… the usual please.
BARTENDER: The usual? Who the hell is this prick? Walkin' in like he owns the place.
TEDDY: But Hank, I come here every single night. Last week I drank an entire bottle of wine.
BARTENDER: I'll ram this entire bottle of wine up your ass if you don't leave now.
(In the back alley)
TEDDY: Hello Butch. Tyson, Jimbo…the usual please.
BULLIES: With pleasure…
(The bullies punch and kick Teddy repeatedly, then give him an atomic wedgie.)
TEDDY: It's nice to finally be appreciated.
Copyright © The Comedy Basement 2009