The Comedy Basement
Pluto (Dwarf Planet)
In 2006, The International Astronomical Union re-classified the one-time planet of Pluto as a newly renamed "Dwarf Planet" due to its inability to meet the requirements of what a planet in the solar system should be. This is how it all went down.
PLUTO: Earth, Mars... my two best friends in all the solar system, how's it going?
EARTH: (Sighs.) Look… Pluto, there's no easy way to say this but…
MARS: We're kicking you out of the planets.
PLUTO: Kicking me out the planets? (Laughs.) Oh very funny, guys. That… that is a good one.
EARTH: I'm afraid it's not a joke. You're just not pulling your own weight.
PLUTO: Not pulling my own weight? Come on... I'm a really small planet, I...
MARS: No, no... you're not a planet anymore.
PLUTO: Then what am I?
EARTH: We'll think of something
MARS: (Coughs.) Dwarf planet.
PLUTO: Did you say something, Mars?
MARS: Nope.
EARTH: I'm sorry Pluto, but... we're going to have to ask you to leave immediately.
MARS: Yeah, this is a "Planets Only" kinda meeting.
PLUTO: Can't you guys give me another chance? Maybe, we'll just call this a warning?
EARTH: You've already had several warnings.
PLUTO: What? No I didn't!
MARS: Yeah, we e-mailed them to you.
PLUTO: I never got any e-mails.
MARS: Did you check your junk folder?
PLUTO: I never check my junk folder. Nobody does!
MARS: Well they're probably in there.
PLUTO: This is kind of unfair.
MARS: Not our problem.
EARTH: And before you go, we're going to have to ask you to give us back the jacket.
PLUTO: Really? Ah man, come on… I love this jacket so much. It's a great conversation starter.
EARTH: I'm sorry but rules are rules.
PLUTO: I can't believe this
(Pluto sighs and reluctantly takes off the jacket and hands it back to Earth.)
MARS: And your Cosco membership card!
PLUTO: Really? Can't I just keep it another week? I'm building a deck in my backyard and was hoping to pick up some patio furniture…
MARS: Just give me the card.
PLUTO: (Sighs.) Ridiculous.
(Pluto hands over his Cosco card and Mars cuts it up with a pair of scissors.)
PLUTO: This is really humiliating... you know they named a Disney character after me?
MARS: So what? They named the best selling candy bar of all time after me... and Earth - he's got people living on him!!
PLUTO: Well I've always preferred the Snickers bar and two of Earth's people are Spencer Pratt and Jon Gosselin... so just think about that for a second.
EARTH: Megan Fox, Barack Obama, Brad Pitt, Eminem, Beyonce, the guy who played Borat and... The Rock.
MARS: More than makes up for Spencer and Jon and Kate Plus 8, you think?
PLUTO: Yeah... I guess so....can we at least still be friends?
EARTH: No.
Copyright © The Comedy Basement 2009
In 2006, The International Astronomical Union re-classified the one-time planet of Pluto as a newly renamed "Dwarf Planet" due to its inability to meet the requirements of what a planet in the solar system should be. This is how it all went down.
PLUTO: Earth, Mars... my two best friends in all the solar system, how's it going?
EARTH: (Sighs.) Look… Pluto, there's no easy way to say this but…
MARS: We're kicking you out of the planets.
PLUTO: Kicking me out the planets? (Laughs.) Oh very funny, guys. That… that is a good one.
EARTH: I'm afraid it's not a joke. You're just not pulling your own weight.
PLUTO: Not pulling my own weight? Come on... I'm a really small planet, I...
MARS: No, no... you're not a planet anymore.
PLUTO: Then what am I?
EARTH: We'll think of something
MARS: (Coughs.) Dwarf planet.
PLUTO: Did you say something, Mars?
MARS: Nope.
EARTH: I'm sorry Pluto, but... we're going to have to ask you to leave immediately.
MARS: Yeah, this is a "Planets Only" kinda meeting.
PLUTO: Can't you guys give me another chance? Maybe, we'll just call this a warning?
EARTH: You've already had several warnings.
PLUTO: What? No I didn't!
MARS: Yeah, we e-mailed them to you.
PLUTO: I never got any e-mails.
MARS: Did you check your junk folder?
PLUTO: I never check my junk folder. Nobody does!
MARS: Well they're probably in there.
PLUTO: This is kind of unfair.
MARS: Not our problem.
EARTH: And before you go, we're going to have to ask you to give us back the jacket.
PLUTO: Really? Ah man, come on… I love this jacket so much. It's a great conversation starter.
EARTH: I'm sorry but rules are rules.
PLUTO: I can't believe this
(Pluto sighs and reluctantly takes off the jacket and hands it back to Earth.)
MARS: And your Cosco membership card!
PLUTO: Really? Can't I just keep it another week? I'm building a deck in my backyard and was hoping to pick up some patio furniture…
MARS: Just give me the card.
PLUTO: (Sighs.) Ridiculous.
(Pluto hands over his Cosco card and Mars cuts it up with a pair of scissors.)
PLUTO: This is really humiliating... you know they named a Disney character after me?
MARS: So what? They named the best selling candy bar of all time after me... and Earth - he's got people living on him!!
PLUTO: Well I've always preferred the Snickers bar and two of Earth's people are Spencer Pratt and Jon Gosselin... so just think about that for a second.
EARTH: Megan Fox, Barack Obama, Brad Pitt, Eminem, Beyonce, the guy who played Borat and... The Rock.
MARS: More than makes up for Spencer and Jon and Kate Plus 8, you think?
PLUTO: Yeah... I guess so....can we at least still be friends?
EARTH: No.
Copyright © The Comedy Basement 2009
