The Comedy Basement
Chester & Dexter
(Chester and Dexter have just enjoyed an episode of the hit ‘90s comedy series Coach on the big screen TV in Dexter’s parent’s basement. Both stand up to applaud an exceptional episode)
CHESTER: Man, Coach was a really good show.
DEXTER: Yeah… it was great.
(They sit back down, collapsing into their La-Z Boy recliners)
CHESTER: You got Hayden, Christine, Luther, Dauber (sighs) I mean, what a fantastic collection of characters. And the talented group of actors they were able to cast in those roles? Nothing but pure magic, my friend.
DEXTER: Yeah… Craig T. Nelson is solid.
CHESTER: Tell me about it. And what about the guy who played Dauber?
DEXTER: He was good.
CHESTER: Yeah, you bet he was good. (Pause) I wonder what ever happened to him?
DEXTER: Like, the character or the actor?
CHESTER: The actor.
DEXTER: I don’t know… maybe, he’s dead?
CHESTER: No, he’s not dead.
DEXTER: Well how do you know? Have you ever seen him in anything else?
CHESTER: I think I saw him on Heroes once. (Pause) And How I Met Your Mother... Yeah, I definitely saw him on that.
DEXTER: Oh yeah, he played Marshall’s dad.
CHESTER: You knew that?
DEXTER: Well… I suppose it escaped my mind for a moment.
CHESTER: Right…
DEXTER: You know, you actually kind of look like Dauber.
CHESTER: Really?
DEXTER: Yeah… like a younger, smaller, uglier, less muscular Dauber.
CHESTER: Why thank you. I take that as a compliment. I find Dauber to be a very handsome man.
DEXTER: Alright then.
(Momentary silence)
CHESTER: You know, I’ve been thinking… I should get a jean jacket. Jean jackets are cool. Why people ever stopped wearing them, I’ll never know.
DEXTER: I didn’t know that people ever stopped wearing them.
CHESTER: Are you crazy? People stopped wearing jean jackets a long time ago… like in the ‘80s or early ‘90s. (Stops to think) But you know, I think I could help bring jean jackets back.
DEXTER: (Laughs) No you couldn’t.
CHESTER: Sure I could… you know, like I did with bicycle shorts a few years ago.
DEXTER: I think that was Lance Armstrong.
CHESTER: Yeah right… Lance Armstrong.
(Chester is distracted by a commercial on TV)
CHESTER: Hey look, Wendy’s. I really love Wendy’s.
DEXTER: It’s a delicious place to eat.
CHESTER: You know, I know a guy who’s never been to Wendy’s in his life?
DEXTER: (Shocked) I refuse to believe such a thing.
CHESTER: No, I’m dead serious! This guy’s never been. He’s an A&W man, but I always tell him, ‘you gotta go to Wendy’s – it’s delicious’ and he’s like ‘No, A&W exclusively’. (Sighs) I don’t understand how anybody could have avoided going to Wendy’s their entire life. It’d be like having cancer and knowing there was a cure, but not wanting to be cured.
DEXTER: That’s a weird thing to say.
CHESTER: (Continuing) But instead of having cancer, people are just really, really hungry for some scrumptious cuisine and that’s what Wendy’s is there for…to cure hungriness. And not only is the service at Wendy’s quick and friendly, the menu cannot be topped: Spicy Chicken, Big Bacon Classic, Classic Double Burger, Classic Triple Burger, Frosties, nuggets, and they even let you chose between fries, chili, salad and a baked potato as a side order. Can you believe that? A baked potato! (Laughs) What other fast food restaurant offers the baked potato?”
DEXTER: I don’t know. Maybe…Burger King?
CHESTER: No, not Burger King.
DEXTER: You sure?
CHESTER: How would I know, I’ve never been.
DEXTER: You’ve never been to a Burger King?
(Chester ignores Dexter and points to the TV)
CHESTER: Hey, it’s back on. (Laughs) How lucky are we? A Coach marathon on a Friday night? Does life get any better than this?
DEXTER: I seriously doubt it.
(Chester and Dexter high five each other)
Copyright © The Comedy Basement 2009
(Chester and Dexter have just enjoyed an episode of the hit ‘90s comedy series Coach on the big screen TV in Dexter’s parent’s basement. Both stand up to applaud an exceptional episode)
CHESTER: Man, Coach was a really good show.
DEXTER: Yeah… it was great.
(They sit back down, collapsing into their La-Z Boy recliners)
CHESTER: You got Hayden, Christine, Luther, Dauber (sighs) I mean, what a fantastic collection of characters. And the talented group of actors they were able to cast in those roles? Nothing but pure magic, my friend.
DEXTER: Yeah… Craig T. Nelson is solid.
CHESTER: Tell me about it. And what about the guy who played Dauber?
DEXTER: He was good.
CHESTER: Yeah, you bet he was good. (Pause) I wonder what ever happened to him?
DEXTER: Like, the character or the actor?
CHESTER: The actor.
DEXTER: I don’t know… maybe, he’s dead?
CHESTER: No, he’s not dead.
DEXTER: Well how do you know? Have you ever seen him in anything else?
CHESTER: I think I saw him on Heroes once. (Pause) And How I Met Your Mother... Yeah, I definitely saw him on that.
DEXTER: Oh yeah, he played Marshall’s dad.
CHESTER: You knew that?
DEXTER: Well… I suppose it escaped my mind for a moment.
CHESTER: Right…
DEXTER: You know, you actually kind of look like Dauber.
CHESTER: Really?
DEXTER: Yeah… like a younger, smaller, uglier, less muscular Dauber.
CHESTER: Why thank you. I take that as a compliment. I find Dauber to be a very handsome man.
DEXTER: Alright then.
(Momentary silence)
CHESTER: You know, I’ve been thinking… I should get a jean jacket. Jean jackets are cool. Why people ever stopped wearing them, I’ll never know.
DEXTER: I didn’t know that people ever stopped wearing them.
CHESTER: Are you crazy? People stopped wearing jean jackets a long time ago… like in the ‘80s or early ‘90s. (Stops to think) But you know, I think I could help bring jean jackets back.
DEXTER: (Laughs) No you couldn’t.
CHESTER: Sure I could… you know, like I did with bicycle shorts a few years ago.
DEXTER: I think that was Lance Armstrong.
CHESTER: Yeah right… Lance Armstrong.
(Chester is distracted by a commercial on TV)
CHESTER: Hey look, Wendy’s. I really love Wendy’s.
DEXTER: It’s a delicious place to eat.
CHESTER: You know, I know a guy who’s never been to Wendy’s in his life?
DEXTER: (Shocked) I refuse to believe such a thing.
CHESTER: No, I’m dead serious! This guy’s never been. He’s an A&W man, but I always tell him, ‘you gotta go to Wendy’s – it’s delicious’ and he’s like ‘No, A&W exclusively’. (Sighs) I don’t understand how anybody could have avoided going to Wendy’s their entire life. It’d be like having cancer and knowing there was a cure, but not wanting to be cured.
DEXTER: That’s a weird thing to say.
CHESTER: (Continuing) But instead of having cancer, people are just really, really hungry for some scrumptious cuisine and that’s what Wendy’s is there for…to cure hungriness. And not only is the service at Wendy’s quick and friendly, the menu cannot be topped: Spicy Chicken, Big Bacon Classic, Classic Double Burger, Classic Triple Burger, Frosties, nuggets, and they even let you chose between fries, chili, salad and a baked potato as a side order. Can you believe that? A baked potato! (Laughs) What other fast food restaurant offers the baked potato?”
DEXTER: I don’t know. Maybe…Burger King?
CHESTER: No, not Burger King.
DEXTER: You sure?
CHESTER: How would I know, I’ve never been.
DEXTER: You’ve never been to a Burger King?
(Chester ignores Dexter and points to the TV)
CHESTER: Hey, it’s back on. (Laughs) How lucky are we? A Coach marathon on a Friday night? Does life get any better than this?
DEXTER: I seriously doubt it.
(Chester and Dexter high five each other)
Copyright © The Comedy Basement 2009
