The Comedy Basement
The Boyfriend and The Brother
(A young man - a boyfriend in his early 20s, knocks at the door, ready to pick up his new girlfriend. It is opened by another young man in his 20s - her little brother, who is decked out in grey sweat pants and a sleeveless nWo Wolfpac t-shirt)
BOYFRIEND: Hi, is Kayla home?
BROTHER: She most definitely is … come on in.
BOYFRIEND: Thanks. I’m her boyfriend.
BROTHER: Oh yeah? What’s your name?
BOYFRIEND: Sorry, I’m…
BROTHER: (Shouting) It doesn’t matter what your name is!! (Laughs) Remember that...? The Rock… from wrestling? Awesome, right?!
BOYFRIEND: Oh, I…
BROTHER: The Scorpion King... you remember that one?
BOYFRIEND: No, not really.
BROTHER: Well, don’t worry about it. I’m her little brother though… yeah, I know I look a lot older, but don’t let this wicked moustache fool you – I am definitely her younger brother.
BROTHER: I look like Tom Selleck, right?
BOYFRIEND: … Yeah.
BROTHER: Mr. Baseball, right? You remember that one?
BOYFRIEND: Maybe… a little.
BROTHER: I got it on video if you wanna borrow it. Anytime, man… just ask. That’s all you gotta do… just ask. Hey, do you want something to eat?
BOYFRIEND: No, we’re probably gonna grab something…
BROTHER: You sure? I got like, eight corndogs roasting away in the oven as we speak. Could probably spare a few.
BOYFRIEND: No thanks, I actually don’t eat meat.
BROTHER: Meat? No, it’s a corn dog. It’s like, made of corn and… dog, I think.
BOYFRIEND: Yeah, that’s still meat.
BROTHER: Awwww come on… it’s the perfect size.
BOYFRIEND: (Confused) Perfect size for what?
BROTHER: You know…
BOYFRIEND: Yeah… no.
BROTHER: (Whispers) I was makin’ a gay joke.
BOYFRIEND: Hmmm, yeah. My father’s gay, actually, so…
BROTHER: (Laughs) That’s hilarious!
BOYFRIEND: No, it's not a joke. He is actually gay.
BROTHER: So if he’s gay, then how were you ever born?
BOYFRIEND: Are you seriously asking me that question?
BROTHER: Okay… Okay. I’m sorry. That whole gay thing… that was a cheap shot.
BOYFRIEND: That’s alright. You were just trying to be funny.
BROTHER: Yeah, it was a real low blow, if you will. (Laughs) I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help myself. You see, I’m a bit of a comedian. You ever watch that show MadTV?
BOYFRIEND: No, never.
BROTHER: Well, I send them like…. a ton of jokes. Every week. And once, I think they might have even used a part of one. It was a slutty Paris Hilton joke… yeah, I think they used part of it. I could find the tape if you want?
BOYFRIEND: That’s okay. I believe you.
BROTHER: I really should find that tape.
BOYFRIEND: Hmmm, yeah.
BROTHER: So, no corndog, still?
BOYFRIEND: No thank you.
BROTHER: That’s weird.
BOYFRIEND: I don’t know what to tell you.
BROTHER: I mean, every time I eat a corndog, I hear this voice in my head and it’s always saying, “This is the best thing in your life right now.” I also hear that voice when I play Halo and whenever I’m listenin’ to Papa Roach.
BOYFRIEND: I guess I just don’t feel the same way.
BROTHER: And what about Papa Roach and Halo?
BOYFRIEND: Same way.
BROTHER: I still don’t get it.
BOYFRIEND: (Sighs) Yeah, well I think I better get going and go see Kayla now.
BROTHER: Oh yeah, yeah… I get it. You gotta go where the ladies are. Like Raphael on Latin Lover. You ever watch that?
BROTHER: Oh, well you should. It’s about this guy named Raphael and he does it with like at least three different girls an episode – lot’s of boobage and no dongs. It’s awesome!! I got some on tape, if you wanna borrow.
BOYFRIEND: No, I’m good.
BROTHER: Yeah, me too. I was just saying.
BOYFRIEND: (Confused) Saying what?
BROTHER: That if you wanna watch ‘em, then I got ‘em.
BOYFRIEND: Okay, I don’t.
BOYFRIEND: Yeah, well it was… interesting to meet you.
BROTHER: Oh yeah, yeah… Rob Schneider movie marathon’s gettin’ started. You ever see The Hot Chick?
BROTHER: You should.
BOYFRIEND: Hmmm. Well I don’t know of any other way to end this that doesn’t involve me leaving suddenly. So here it goes.
BROTHER: Wow, nice guy.
Copyright © The Comedy Basement 2010