The Comedy Basement 
The Boyfriend and The Brother

(A young man - a boyfriend in his early 20s, knocks at the door, ready to pick up his new girlfriend. It is opened by another young man in his 20s - her little brother, who is decked out in grey sweat pants and a sleeveless nWo Wolfpac t-shirt)

BOYFRIEND: Hi, is Kayla home?

BROTHER: She most definitely is … come on in.

(Boyfriend enters)

BOYFRIEND: Thanks. I’m her boyfriend.

BROTHER: Oh yeah? What’s your name?

BOYFRIEND: Sorry, I’m…

BROTHER: (Shouting) It doesn’t matter what your name is!! (Laughs) Remember that...? The Rock… from wrestling? Awesome, right?!


BROTHER: The Scorpion King... you remember that one?

BOYFRIEND: No, not really.

BROTHER: Well, don’t worry about it. I’m her little brother though… yeah, I know I look a lot older, but don’t let this wicked moustache fool you – I am definitely her younger brother.


BROTHER: I look like Tom Selleck, right?


BROTHER: Mr. Baseball, right? You remember that one?

BOYFRIEND: Maybe… a little.

BROTHER: I got it on video if you wanna borrow it. Anytime, man… just ask. That’s all you gotta do… just ask. Hey, do you want something to eat?

BOYFRIEND: No, we’re probably gonna grab something…

BROTHER: You sure? I got like, eight corndogs roasting away in the oven as we speak. Could probably spare a few.

BOYFRIEND: No thanks, I actually don’t eat meat.

BROTHER: Meat? No, it’s a corn dog. It’s like, made of corn and… dog, I think.

BOYFRIEND: Yeah, that’s still meat.

BROTHER: Awwww come on… it’s the perfect size.

BOYFRIEND: (Confused) Perfect size for what?

BROTHER: You know…

BOYFRIEND: Yeah… no.

BROTHER: (Whispers) I was makin’ a gay joke.

BOYFRIEND: Hmmm, yeah. My father’s gay, actually, so…

BROTHER: (Laughs) That’s hilarious!

BOYFRIEND: No, it's not a joke. He is actually gay.


(Awkward pause)

BROTHER: So if he’s gay, then how were you ever born?

BOYFRIEND: Are you seriously asking me that question?

BROTHER: Okay… Okay. I’m sorry. That whole gay thing… that was a cheap shot.

BOYFRIEND: That’s alright. You were just trying to be funny.

BROTHER: Yeah, it was a real low blow, if you will. (Laughs) I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help myself. You see, I’m a bit of a comedian. You ever watch that show MadTV?

BOYFRIEND: No, never.

BROTHER: Well, I send them like…. a ton of jokes. Every week. And once, I think they might have even used a part of one. It was a slutty Paris Hilton joke… yeah, I think they used part of it. I could find the tape if you want?

BOYFRIEND: That’s okay. I believe you.

BROTHER: I really should find that tape.

BOYFRIEND: Hmmm, yeah.

BROTHER: So, no corndog, still?

BOYFRIEND: No thank you.

BROTHER: That’s weird.

BOYFRIEND: I don’t know what to tell you.

BROTHER: I mean, every time I eat a corndog, I hear this voice in my head and it’s always saying, “This is the best thing in your life right now.” I also hear that voice when I play Halo and whenever I’m listenin’ to Papa Roach.

BOYFRIEND: I guess I just don’t feel the same way.

BROTHER: And what about Papa Roach and Halo?

BOYFRIEND: Same way.

BROTHER: I still don’t get it.

BOYFRIEND: (Sighs) Yeah, well I think I better get going and go see Kayla now.

BROTHER: Oh yeah, yeah… I get it. You gotta go where the ladies are. Like Raphael on Latin Lover. You ever watch that?


BROTHER: Oh, well you should. It’s about this guy named Raphael and he does it with like at least three different girls an episode – lot’s of boobage and no dongs. It’s awesome!! I got some on tape, if you wanna borrow.

BOYFRIEND: No, I’m good.

BROTHER: Yeah, me too. I was just saying.

BOYFRIEND: (Confused) Saying what?

BROTHER: That if you wanna watch ‘em, then I got ‘em.

BOYFRIEND: Okay, I don’t.


BOYFRIEND: Yeah, well it was… interesting to meet you.

BROTHER: Oh yeah, yeah… Rob Schneider movie marathon’s gettin’ started. You ever see The Hot Chick?


BROTHER: You should.

BOYFRIEND: Hmmm. Well I don’t know of any other way to end this that doesn’t involve me leaving suddenly. So here it goes.

(Boyfriend exits)

BROTHER: Wow, nice guy.

                                                                                              Copyright © The Comedy Basement 2010