The Comedy Basement
(Blaine Harrison and his date, an attractive woman in her early 20's walk down a dark back alley where they come face to face with a dangerous looking street gang.)
GANG LEADER: Give us all your money and nobody gets hurt.
(Blaine runs a hand along his stubble covered cheek and smiles cunningly.)
BLAINE: Not on my watch.
(Blaine pushes his lady friend to the side and attacks the street gang, using his very prickly facial stubble as a weapon. He expertly swings his head back and forth, dodging and ducking, making sure to hit each gang member with a lethal stubble shot for quick elimination. After about 30 seconds of fighting, it is down to two men: Blaine and the Gang Leader himself.)
GANG LEADER: Not too shabby.
(The Gang Leader pulls a switch blade knife out from his jacket.)
GANG LEADER: But it looks like your luck is about to run out.
BLAINE: (Smiling handsomely.) Who ever said anything about luck?
(The Gang Leader laughs and then charges at Blaine, who cleverly avoids him with a well planned-out sidestep, followed by a quick and forceful stubble shot to his neck. The Gang Leader drops the knife and slowly collapses to the ground, clutching his throat.)
GANG LEADER: (Groaning.) The stubble… you bastard.
(The Gang Leader dies.)
WOMAN:(Impressed.) Oh my god, Blaine. I never knew you had that in you.
BLAINE: Well… sometimes a man's got to use the gifts that God gave him to kick some low life ass.
WOMAN: Well maybe you should take me back to your place so I can show you the gifts that God gave me!
BLAINE: I will, but… I should probably shave first. Things could get… dangerous.
WOMAN: Don't worry. I like it a little rough... stubble man.
(They kiss each other passionately until Blaine pauses, looks dashingly into the camera and winks.)
BLAINE: I am Stubble-Man.
Copyright © The Comedy Basement 2009