The Comedy Basement
The Stupid Detective in...
Rookie House Call
(The Stupid Detective and his new partner, The Rookie arrive at a suspect’s home)
SUSPECT: (Sweating) Yeah, what do ya want?
STUPID DETECTIVE: Yes, hello there... I’m a detective and this is my partner... (whispers) he’s a rookie. We’re here to ask you a few questions about a murder that happened a few blocks away.
SUSPECT: (Nervous) Well I don’t know anything about that... I don’t know who shot that woman.
ROOKIE: We never said it was a woman...
SUSPECT: (Yelling) Shut up!!!
DETECTIVE: Yeah come on, there was a 50/50 shot he was gonna get the sex of the victim right anyway.
DETECTIVE: Look, sir... did you commit the murder or not? We’ve got three witnesses... three homeless men, I believe, that saw you at the scene of the crime.
SUSPECT: (Yelling angrily) I already told you I didn’t fuckin’ do it!!! I didn’t shoot that bitch in the face!!!! Now get the hell out of here!!!!
(The suspect slams the door)
DETECTIVE: Well I guess he didn’t do it.
ROOKIE: Are you making a joke? That man is obviously guilty. He’s sweating profusely and seems to have a pretty violent temper. I’m also pretty sure he had blood all over his shirt.
DETECTIVE: He was probably just cooking a hot dinner... with raw ground beef.
ROOKIE: A hot dinner with raw ground beef? That doesn’t make any sense!
DETECTIVE: I don’t know, I’ve been doing this a long time and only innocent people get angry when being questioned about a crime... probably because I always seem to be interrupting their dinners... their raw, hot, bloody dinners. So in my books, that man is definitely innocent.
ROOKIE: He mentioned some things... they were pretty specific. If he didn't committ the crime, then how did he know so much about it?
DETECTIVE: Most likely from movies. Lot's of people are killed in movies. Have you ever seen Kill Bill?
ROOKIE: (Sighs) Look, don't take this personally but I think I'm going to ask to be re-assigned.
DETECTIVE: And I think I'm going to go back in there and ask for some of that food... I love ground beef.
ROOKIE: Maybe take it personally.
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