The Comedy Basement
Monster Mash - Part 2: The Mash
To read Part 1, click here
(The party had just begun and the band featuring Igor on chains, backed by a group of baying hounds, fills the room with music. The mad scientist, with a drink in hand, walks around the laboratory playing the role of gracious host.)
MAD SCIENTIST: Hey there zombies! Having fun?
(Zombies grunt with approval.)
MAD SCIENTIST: Alright, thanks for coming... Wolfman, how the hell are you?
(The Wolfman howls with delight.)
MAD SCIENTIST: Beautiful... ghouls, looking good as always.
(The ghouls shriek with amusement.)
MAD SCIENTIST: Nice stuff!
MAD SCIENTIST: And you, my monster mashing friend... this is all because of you, you big dancing machine. Come here!
(The mad scientist gives the monster a giant hug.)
MAD SCIENTIST: I love you.
(The monsters dances away and Igor enters.)
MAD SCIENTIST: Igor!!! Nice job on the chains, my friend!
IGOR: Thank you, master. It is quite a rocking scene, yes?
MAD SCIENTIST: Yeah, everyone's really digging your sound. Good work!
IGOR: Thank you, master.
MAD SCIENTIST: (Suddenly disappointed.) Oh no, look what the cat dragged in.
IGOR: Master, the cat is outside, eating leftover scraps from our pizza lunch.
MAD SCIENTIST: It's just a saying... I was talking about him.
(The mad scientist points to Dracula, who is arriving at the party with his nine year old son.)
MAD SCIENTIST: I thought I told you not to invite him. And he brought his son. Ah man!!
IGOR: Should I cancel the stripper?
MAD SCIENTIST: Yeah, tell Elvira that she's no longer needed here.
IGOR: On my way, master.
MAD SCIENTIST: And take your baying hounds outside while you're at it... I think one of them just pissed on the Crypt Keeper's leg.
(Igor leaves as Dracula and his son approach.)
MAD SCIENTIST: (Pretending to be happy.) If it isn't the Draculas?! Thanks for coming.
(Dracula and the mad scientist shake hands.)
DRACULA: Thank you, doctor. You know, some are saying this party is the hit of the land.
MAD SCIENTIST: Are they? Well, if it wasn't before, it will be now that you and your strapping son are here!
DRACULA: It's funny you say that because it's actually quite amazing that we ever left our coffins in the first place, considering our lack of an invitation.
MAD SCIENTIST: Probably got lost in the mail.
DRACULA: That's funny because I heard it was an e-vite.
MAD SCIENTIST: I blame Igor. He's quite drunk actually. He probably sent the invitation to email@example.com or something.
DRACULA: (Suspicious.) Yes, that's probably what happened.
MAD SCIENTIST: But you're here now, so why don't you two go have some punch? Sorry, no actual blood, but the colour's right!
(The monster dances into the conversation.)
MAD SCIENTIST: Oh, sorry, you haven't met yet. This is my monster – he likes to dance. We've been calling it the monster mash, but you're free to call it whatever you want.
DRACULA: Can we call it the Transylvania twist?
MAD SCIENTIST: No... that's dumb.
DRACULA: (Angrily shakes fist.) That was the name of my signature dance move for over four hundred years!
MAD SCIENTIST: (Changing subject.) Hey Drac, I see the band is about to play a new song... why don't you and your son go on up there and join them?
DRACULA: Only if they play some Hall and Oates... I love that song Rich Girl.
MAD SCIENTIST: Yeah, you tell them I said it was okay. Now get up there!
DRACULA: (Laughs.) Doctor, despite our differences – you really do know how to throw a party!
(Dracula and his son walk towards the stage as Igor returns.)
IGOR: Everything okay, master?
MAD SCIENTIST: It's better than okay, Igor. I think that it's very possible that we're throwing the best party ever.
IGOR: (Laughs.) Master, look – the Creature from the Black Lagoon just threw up!
MAD SCIENTIST: Like I said... Best. Party. Ever.
Copyright © The Comedy Basement 2009
Listen to the song while you read