The Comedy Basement
Monster Mash - Part 1: The Monster
(A mad scientist and his assistant, Igor work in his lab late one night.)
MAD SCIENTIST: So did you watch America's Next Top Model this week?
IGOR: I did not, master.
MAD SCIENTIST: Oh well, I still have it saved on my PVR if you're interested.
IGOR: I don't watch it.
MAD SCIENTIST: Ah well, just trying to make conversation. You're becoming very difficult to talk to, you know?
(Igor suddenly becomes frightened.)
MAD SCIENTIST: What's wrong with you? Relax, I'm not that angry. I mean, I know I can be pretty tough sometimes but...
IGOR: (Interrupting.) Master... look behind you!!
(The mad scientist turns and gasps as his eyes behold an eerie sight – the monster he had previously been working on begins to rise from its slab.)
MAD SCIENTIST: Uh-oh.
(The monster stumbles towards them, knocking over everything in its path. Both men are scared and hide under a table.)
MAD SCIENTIST: Igor, I never told you how much I appreciated your work.
IGOR: Thank you, master.
MAD SCIENTIST: And all with such a horrible hunchback disfigurement... you're a real trooper.
(The monster is getting closer.)
MAD SCIENTIST: It's been nice knowing you.
(The monster knocks over the table and a stereo that was on it accidentally begins to play.)
MAD SCIENTIST: Oooh, what is this? Usher?
(The monster stops its' destruction and suddenly, to the mad scientist's surprise, starts to dance.)
MAD SCIENTIST: Holy shit – he's dancing!
(The monster continues dancing happily around the laboratory.)
MAD SCIENTIST: This is incredible! He's doing the mash... the... the monster mash!!
IGOR: It will a graveyard smash!
MAD SCIENTIST: Quick – Igor, alert everyone. Call the vampires, who for some reason are feasting in my master bedroom and also the ghouls – those ghouls really need to get out! Tell them there is a great party tonight in my laboratory in the castle east. And to B.Y.O.B.... I'm not made of money, you know!
IGOR: What should I tell them, master?
MAD SCIENTIST: Tell them that if they want to get a jolt from the electrodes in my lab, they should come to this party. It will be a blast!
IGOR: Master... being jolted by electrodes does not sound very appealing. It can actually be quite painful – I should know. Perhaps you should say something else... something more inviting?
MAD SCIENTIST: That is a good point. Maybe just tell them that we have Beatles Rock Band then.
IGOR: Much better, master.
MAD SCIENTIST: And also invite the zombies and the wolfman.
IGOR: And what about Dracula?
MAD SCIENTIST: Hmmm. Well, he's going to want to bring his son along, so...
IGOR: His son is a spoiled brat, master.
MAD SCIENTIST: Yeah, forget them.
IGOR: (Smiles.) You know what, master?
MAD SCIENTIST: What?
IGOR: I think this is going to be the best party ever!
MAD SCIENTIST: Me too, Igor... me too.
To read Part 2, click here
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