The Comedy Basement
Meeting My Friend's New Baby
STAN: I’d like you to meet Samson.
REGGIE: Oh, okay... hey Samson.
STAN: Is that it?
REGGIE: Yeah pretty much. What else do you want me to do?
STAN: Well, most people think he’s pretty cute.
REGGIE: Yeah, I don’t know... not really into babies like that.
REGGIE: I just don’t find him to be that cute.
STAN: Are you insane? If you could only hear yourself right now.
REGGIE: Okay, let me explain... this is a fine looking baby... but I don’t think he’s cute.
REGGIE: Yeah, he just doesn’t do it for me.
STAN: What does it for you then?
REGGIE: You ever watch Hannah Montana?
STAN: No. But... do you mean, Miley Cyrus?
REGGIE: I thought you didn’t watch it.
STAN: I don’t but I’m aware of Miley Cyrus. And isn’t she like... 16 years old?
REGGIE: Is she now? Hmmm. Looks older.
STAN: No, I’m pretty sure she’s in high school.
REGGIE: Well, regardless... Miley Cyrus is cute. Your baby here, is not.
STAN: I’ve got to tell you, that’s not the response we’re used to.
REGGIE: Well, I’m very hard to impress. What else you got?
STAN: How about if we make him smile? Come on, make a funny face with me. He loves that.
REGGIE: Yeah, I’d rather not. But maybe we could get him to do a different trick?
STAN: A trick?
REGGIE: Yeah, like... can’t he sit up or roll over, or something?
STAN: You realize that this is a human being and not a dog, right?
REGGIE: Well...you treat him like a dog.
STAN: That’s crazy.
REGGIE: Oh really? Who cleans up his poop? Who feeds him?
STAN: He’s a baby.
REGGIE: Who takes him to the vet?
STAN: Again, he’s not a dog.
REGGIE: Okay...but I’m still going to need to see some tricks.
STAN: What tricks?! He can barely hold his head up.
REGGIE: Maybe we could put him inside one of those balls, you know, like a hamster... let him roll around the house for a bit.
STAN: That is...
REGGIE: There’s a hockey game on in three minutes.
STAN: Not a bad idea.
REGGIE: Great! I’ll go get the ball from my car.
Copyright © The Comedy Basement 2010