The Comedy Basement 
Meeting My Friend's New Baby 

STAN: I’d like you to meet Samson.

REGGIE: Oh, okay... hey Samson.

(Awkward silence)

STAN: Is that it?

REGGIE: Yeah pretty much. What else do you want me to do?

STAN: Well, most people think he’s pretty cute.

REGGIE: Yeah, I don’t know... not really into babies like that.

STAN: What?

REGGIE: I just don’t find him to be that cute.

STAN: Are you insane? If you could only hear yourself right now.

REGGIE: Okay, let me explain... this is a fine looking baby... but I don’t think he’s cute.

STAN: Really?

REGGIE: Yeah, he just doesn’t do it for me.

STAN: What does it for you then?

REGGIE: You ever watch Hannah Montana?

STAN: No. But... do you mean, Miley Cyrus?

REGGIE: I thought you didn’t watch it.

STAN: I don’t but I’m aware of Miley Cyrus. And isn’t she like... 16 years old?

REGGIE: Is she now? Hmmm. Looks older.

STAN: No, I’m pretty sure she’s in high school.

REGGIE: Well, regardless... Miley Cyrus is cute. Your baby here, is not.

STAN: I’ve got to tell you, that’s not the response we’re used to.

REGGIE: Well, I’m very hard to impress. What else you got?

STAN: How about if we make him smile? Come on, make a funny face with me. He loves that.

REGGIE: Yeah, I’d rather not. But maybe we could get him to do a different trick?

STAN: A trick?

REGGIE: Yeah, like... can’t he sit up or roll over, or something?

STAN: You realize that this is a human being and not a dog, right?

REGGIE: treat him like a dog.

STAN: That’s crazy.

REGGIE: Oh really? Who cleans up his poop? Who feeds him?

STAN: He’s a baby.

REGGIE: Who takes him to the vet?

STAN: Again, he’s not a dog.

REGGIE: Okay...but I’m still going to need to see some tricks.

STAN: What tricks?! He can barely hold his head up.

REGGIE: Maybe we could put him inside one of those balls, you know, like a hamster... let him roll around the house for a bit.

STAN: That is...

REGGIE: There’s a hockey game on in three minutes.

STAN: Not a bad idea.

REGGIE: Great! I’ll go get the ball from my car. 
                                                                                              Copyright © The Comedy Basement 2010